An essay about The Muppets, and sadness.

First published in You Might Need to Hear This on October 7th, 2021. https://www.youmightneedtohearthis.com/stories/a-vindication-of-the-rights-of-television-addicts

Poem accepted to Flash Fiction Forum.

https://www.bloodhoneylit.com/fiction/joe-clocks-in?rq=Gahl

First read May 8th, 2024.

“When men are employed, they are best contented.” Benjamin Franklin, The Autobiography and Other Writings, January 1st, 1791

When I moved to Philadelphia, in 2018, I had a meeting with the Grounds Supervisor at Independence Hall. Big, old, crusty, weird Nation Park Service Type. Retiring.

I had spent the past several years working closely with Nation Parks Service folks in New York and when they found out I was moving to Philly, jobless, they made some calls. I was a shoe-in.

I didn’t bring a notebook to our meeting. I thought I should have a notebook, but I didn’t bring a notebook. So, I purchased one from the gift shop at the Constitution Center.

A Benjamin Franklin Notebook, punctuated by Benjamin Franklin Quotes.

A Benjamin Franklin Quote-book.

He took me to lunch. I met a landscape historian. I got to see The Bell.

I heard his whole life story.

I wondered what working there would be like.

He took me up to the Superintendent’s office. An imposing blonde woman in her fifties in a suit who didn’t seem particular thrilled to meet me.

He told Her he wanted Me to have His job when he retired in December.

She told Me to apply to a summer internship.

Paid?

No.

Needless to say, I don’t work at Independence Hall.

I don’t think anyone does.

Poem accepted to Flash Fiction Forum.

First read August 13th, 2025.

When Bobcat Goldthwait appeared in the 1988 film Tapeheads ,music by Fishbone staring John Cusack and Tim Robbins, he went by the name “Jack Cheese.”

I have memories of Bobcat Goldthwait.

His standup comedy specials in particular. Back when all Comedy Central did was air reruns of televised stand up and the Porky’s franchise. Canadian-American sex comedies and evenings with and medium-sized North American cat.

When Robin Williams made a cameo in the Bobcat Goldthwait film Shakes the Clown, music by Tom Scott, he went by the name “Marty Fomage,”

I’ve brought up Bobcat Goldthwait before, in conversation. To peers, my friends. Only to be met with blank stares. They don’t know who Bobcat Goldthwait is. How is that even possible? Wasn’t he everywhere int he mid to late 90s?

You must know who Bobcat Goldthwait is. He was in– You know, that movie– He’s got that voice–

Maybe Bobcat Goldthwait spent the mid to late 90s performing exclusively for me; between the ages of 8 and 12. I guess I’m Bobcat Goldthwait’s number one fan.

He deserves better than me.

I didn’t even realize he was performing at the venue next door to my apartment. I didn’t even realize he was still around.

He’s a director now. He made that movie with Robin Williams right before Robin Williams died that everyone says is surprisingly good. The movie, not Robin Williams death. That was tragic.

I still haven’t seen it. The movie. The last movie I saw was Austenland. It showed up on my Prime for you page. You know that movie, that romantic comedy from 2013 with Keri Russel and the guy from Flight of the Concords. Bret McKenzie. He plays a bad guy in the movie. It’s very disorienting.

Man, I’m sorry Bob. I really dropped the ball. I just got busy with other things, you know? Had a baby a few years back.

No excuses though. I mean, I had time to watch Austenland.

Tastes change, I guess.

You know, your tastebuds can literally change after you’ve had a kid, Bob.

Life’s wild like that.

Don’t let me forget to pick up cheese today after work. We’ve got people coming over tonight and everyone loves cheese.

Excerpt from The Garden Capitol, first published December 30, 2025 in Blood + Honey.

Title is incorrect online.

Read here: https://www.bloodhoneylit.com/fiction/joe-clocks-in?rq=Gahl